I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
