just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
