i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
