The best revenge is premature balding
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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