I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
