I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
