WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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