I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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