A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
