How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
