woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
