He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
