Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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