I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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