worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
