Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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