Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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