I hate your face
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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