I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
