I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
