my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
