I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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