I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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