Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize