she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
