Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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