How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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