When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize