Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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