Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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