I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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