My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
