we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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