not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize