Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
