yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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