He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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