I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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