for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will pee on everything he values.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
