I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
