What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
