OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
