Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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