this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize