So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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