I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
