so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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