I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
