her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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