no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
