If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
