You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
