Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
