I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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