dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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