I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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