...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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