You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
