Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize