in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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