Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
