new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
