Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
