All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
