Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
