what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
