Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
