How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
too bad you live with your parents still
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
