i just sent this text using only my big toe
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
