I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
