Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
