Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the condom got lost in my hair
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize