Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
