Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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