Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
