i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
