sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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