I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
