Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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