my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
