I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
