Pants 0. Shit 1.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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