im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
