I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
