i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
