Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
