What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
