dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
