I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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