I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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