Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
