how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize