It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
