We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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