its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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