Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
