Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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