evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Randomize
