Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
