Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
