sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
