You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Holy sore nipples Batman
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize