was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
