hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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