Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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