: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
