How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
