This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
