i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
high people should be assigned attendants
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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