PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
